A Guide to Husband and Wife Headstones

Choosing a memorial for a husband and wife is one of the most meaningful decisions a family can make. A shared headstone represents not just the end of individual lives, but the celebration of a partnership, a love story, and a journey travelled together. Whether you’re planning ahead or honouring parents who have passed, this guide will help you navigate the important considerations when selecting the perfect tribute.

Understanding Companion Memorials

A companion memorial, also known as a husband and wife headstone or double headstone, is designed to commemorate two people who shared their lives together. These memorials can take many forms, from traditional cemetery memorials to more contemporary designs, each offering a beautiful way to honour an enduring bond.

The beauty of a joint memorial lies in its ability to celebrate both the unity of the couple and the individuality of each person. It’s a lasting testament to their love, friendship, and the life they built together.

The Design Challenge: Creating a Complete Memorial

One of the most common challenges when commissioning a husband and wife headstone is timing. Often, the memorial is designed whilst one spouse is still living, which requires careful consideration to ensure the design looks complete for the deceased whilst allowing space for the surviving partner.

The key is balance: you want to create a memorial that:

• Honours the person who has passed with a fitting tribute
• Leaves appropriate space for the surviving spouse without the memorial appearing unfinished
• Ensures the future addition doesn’t look like an afterthought
• Maintains visual harmony throughout

When children commission a memorial for both parents after they’ve both passed, the design process can be simpler, as both names can be incorporated into a unified design from the outset.

Honouring Both Partners Equally

A successful companion memorial celebrates both individuals equally whilst acknowledging their partnership. This might be through:

• Shared symbolism: Incorporating imagery that was meaningful to both, such as flowers they loved, places they visited, or hobbies they enjoyed together
• Balanced design: Ensuring both names are given equal prominence and space
• Thoughtful inscriptions: Choosing words that honour each person individually whilst celebrating their union

Many families choose heart-shaped memorials for couples, as the symbolism naturally represents enduring love and connection.

Choosing the Right Design Style

Traditional Upright Memorials

Churchyard memorials and traditional upright stones offer classic elegance and are often preferred for their timeless appeal. These provide ample space for inscriptions and can be crafted from beautiful natural stones.

Book Memorials

Book memorials are particularly fitting for couples, with the open pages symbolising the story of their lives together. This design offers plenty of space for names, dates, and meaningful inscriptions.

Heart Designs

Double heart memorials, or a single heart containing both names, create an immediately recognisable symbol of love. These can be simple and elegant or more elaborate with carved details.

Flat Memorials

Lawn-level or flat memorials offer a more understated tribute whilst providing ample space for inscriptions and personalisation. These are often more affordable whilst still being beautiful and dignified.

Bespoke and Unique Designs

For those seeking something truly special, individual monuments or rustic hand-carved memorials can be designed to reflect the unique character of the couple, whether that’s through custom shapes, personalised carvings, or unique materials.

Understanding Cemetery and Churchyard Regulations

Before finalising your design, it’s crucial to understand that different burial grounds have different requirements:

Churchyard Regulations

Church of England churchyards typically have strict guidelines regarding:

• Materials: Often only natural stones are permitted, with polished granite frequently prohibited
• Size restrictions: Height, width, and thickness limitations
• Inscriptions: Must be reverent and appropriate, in keeping with Christian values
• Design elements: Some designs (such as certain symbols or photographs) may not be permitted

Each diocese has its own specific regulations, so it’s essential to check with the local church before proceeding.

Cemetery Regulations

Municipal cemeteries generally allow more freedom in design, including:

• A wider range of materials and finishes
• More flexibility with inscriptions and personalisation
• Greater scope for incorporating photographs, symbols, and artistic elements

Always consult with the cemetery office to understand their specific requirements before commissioning a memorial.

Inscription Considerations

Arranging Names on the Memorial

There are several approaches to listing husband and wife on a memorial:

Using full names:

John Smith
1945 - 2023

Mary Smith
1948 -

First names together (when both have passed):

John and Mary
Smith
1945 - 2023    1948 - 2024

More intimate wording:

John Smith
1945 - 2023

with his beloved Mary
1948 -

Without repeating relationships:

John Smith
1945 - 2023

and his beloved Mary
1948 -

Each approach creates a different tone. The first is more formal, whilst the latter options feel more personal and intimate. You might find inspiration for wording in our guide to what to write on a headstone.

Allowing Adequate Space

When one partner is still living, it’s crucial to leave enough space for their details to be added later. This typically means allowing room for:

• Their full name (or first name, depending on your chosen layout)
• Date of birth
• Date of death

A general rule is to leave at least 12 inches (30cm) between the last line of text and ground level to ensure readability and protect the inscription from grass and damage.

Choosing Meaningful Inscriptions

The inscription or epitaph on a husband and wife memorial often reflects their relationship. Popular choices include:

• “Together forever”
• “Reunited at last”
• “Side by side, always”
• “Forever in our hearts”
• “United in life, united in eternity”
• “Two souls, one love”
• “Always and forever”

You might also consider short, beautiful words for gravestones for parents or explore our collection of memorial quotes for inspiration.

Religious Inscriptions

Many families choose to include Bible verses or religious sentiments. Our complete collection of Bible verses for headstones offers many appropriate options, such as:

• “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” – 1 Corinthians 13:13
• “Two are better than one” – Ecclesiastes 4:9
• “Love never fails” – 1 Corinthians 13:8

For more inspiration, you might also explore our guide to popular funeral poems and verses.

Personalisation Through Symbols and Imagery

Adding visual elements to a companion memorial can make it even more meaningful:

Shared Interests

• Nature lovers: Carved flowers, trees, or landscapes
• Travel enthusiasts: Compasses, maps, or landmarks
• Music lovers: Musical notes or instruments
• Faith: Crosses, praying hands, or religious symbols

Photographs

Photographic plaques can be incorporated into memorials, either showing two separate portraits side by side or a single photograph of the couple together. This adds a personal touch that future generations will treasure.

Complementary Carvings

When including carved elements, choose imagery that holds meaning for both partners. A single shared symbol often creates a more cohesive design than multiple different elements.

Practical Considerations

Timing

After a burial, the ground needs time to settle before a memorial can be safely installed. Most burial grounds recommend waiting at least six months, though some require up to twelve months or longer.

Materials

The choice of material affects both the appearance and longevity of the memorial. Consider exploring our guide to choosing the best material for headstones for detailed advice on:

• Granite (various colours)
• Limestone
• Marble
• Slate

Each material has different characteristics in terms of durability, appearance, and maintenance requirements.

Grave Ownership

Only the registered grave owner (named on the Deed of Grant) has the legal right to authorise a memorial. If you’re unsure about ownership, contact the cemetery office for clarification.

Adding a Second Name Later

When the time comes to add the surviving spouse’s name, the process typically involves:

1. Removing the memorial: The headstone is carefully lifted and taken to the workshop
2. Cleaning and assessment: The memorial is cleaned and assessed for any wear
3. Adding the inscription: The new details are carved to match the original lettering
4. Settling period: The headstone is usually stored for at least a year before reinstallation to allow the new grave to settle
5. Reinstallation: The completed memorial is returned and securely fixed

If the original inscription was painted or gilded, the entire memorial may be refinished to ensure the new inscription matches perfectly.

Additional Features

Don’t forget to consider practical additions such as memorial vases for flowers, which can be incorporated into the design or placed alongside the memorial.

Planning for Future Additions

Designing with Foresight

If you’re commissioning a memorial whilst one spouse is still living, consider:

• Creating a complete design plan for both names, even if one won’t be added immediately
• Using the back of the memorial for longer inscriptions or additional details
• Leaving appropriate space that’s sufficient but not so vast that the memorial looks incomplete
• Choosing a versatile design that will accommodate future additions gracefully

The Importance of Professional Guidance

Working with experienced memorial craftspeople ensures that your design will work both now and in the future. They can advise on:

• Appropriate spacing for future additions
• Layout options that maintain visual balance
• Inscription styles that can be matched years later
• Materials and fixings that allow for safe removal and reinstallation

Recording Your Wishes

If you’re planning ahead for your own memorial, consider:

• Discussing your preferences with family members
• Writing down your wishes or including them in your will
• Choosing your own epitaph or inscription
• Selecting design elements that are meaningful to you

Having these conversations now, whilst difficult, can provide clarity and comfort to your loved ones when the time comes.

Special Circumstances

Remarriage

Life sometimes brings unexpected changes. If a surviving spouse remarries, they may wonder whether both partners can be commemorated. Whilst there’s no single “right answer,” options include:

• Creating a separate memorial
• Adding a third name if space and regulations permit
• Discussing wishes openly with all family members involved

These sensitive situations benefit from compassionate discussion and professional guidance.

Multiple Memorials

Some families choose to commission two separate but linked memorials, particularly when:

• The burial ground allows sufficient space
• The couple had very different personalities or interests they wish to reflect
• There’s a desire for individual tributes whilst maintaining visual unity

This approach can work beautifully when the memorials echo each other in style, material, or inscriptions.

Additional Memorial Options

Full-Length Kerb Sets

For a more comprehensive memorial, full-length kerb sets create a defined plot area and provide additional space for inscriptions, decorative elements, and personalisation.

Cremation Memorials

If one or both partners have been cremated, cremation memorials offer beautiful options for commemorating their lives, whether ashes are interred, scattered, or kept.

Caring for Your Memorial

Once your memorial is in place, regular maintenance will help preserve its beauty:

• Clean the memorial regularly using appropriate methods (see our guide on how to clean a headstone)
• Check fixings and stability annually
• Remove debris and vegetation growth
• Consider professional restoration if weathering becomes significant

The Importance of Taking Your Time

Choosing a memorial for a husband and wife is a significant decision that deserves careful thought. There’s no need to rush. Take time to:

• Discuss options with family members
• Visit the burial ground to understand any restrictions
• Consider what would best honour your loved ones
• Seek guidance from memorial specialists
• Review different design options and materials

Our comprehensive guide to wording for memorials can provide additional inspiration as you consider your options.

Understanding Epitaphs

If you’re unsure about epitaphs and their significance, our article on what is an epitaph explains their history and importance, whilst our guide to epitaphs for headstones offers extensive examples.

Final Thoughts

A husband and wife memorial is more than stone and inscription—it’s a celebration of love, partnership, and shared life. Whether you choose a traditional design or something more contemporary, a simple inscription or an elaborate epitaph, the most important aspect is that the memorial feels right for the people it honours.

Take comfort in knowing that, with thoughtful planning and expert guidance, you can create a beautiful, lasting tribute that will honour your loved ones for generations to come. The memorial you choose will become a place of remembrance, reflection, and connection for family members to visit, ensuring that the story of the couple’s love endures.

Let Us Help You Create a Lasting Tribute

At Haven Memorials, we understand the importance of creating a memorial that truly honours the unique bond between husband and wife. Our experienced team is here to guide you through every step of the process, from initial design concepts to final installation.

We work closely with families to ensure that every memorial we create is not only beautiful and dignified but also complies with all cemetery or churchyard regulations. Whether you’re planning ahead or need to commission a memorial now, we’re here to help with compassion, expertise, and care.

Contact us today to discuss your requirements. We’ll listen to your ideas, answer your questions, and help you create a fitting tribute that celebrates the love and life of the couple you wish to honour.